I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
