You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
