I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
