mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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