Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
