Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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