I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
