Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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