remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
