They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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