So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
