I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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