I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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