I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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