Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
