I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
