i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This toilet bowl is my home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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