i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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