the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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