I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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