I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
