Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
