accomplished twins. life is a go
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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