I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
