do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
