Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
