His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
