i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
