I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
