i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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