College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
