Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You may now shotgun with the bride
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
