I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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