I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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