Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
