Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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