Will you blow on my dice?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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