A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
