Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
