I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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