Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just want nice things and good sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
