I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
