I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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