Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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