he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
