Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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