theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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