He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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