the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
