cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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