I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
