my being single is dangerous.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk is not a location!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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