I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
