there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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