She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
