did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
